Change is scary but sometimes necessary

Sometimes letting go is the hardest thing about loving someone. as much as i wanted to hold on to the promise of love i just couldn't keep lieing to myself.

In my perfect world the relationship went like this:
we told each other "i loved you" everyday
we laughed and spend time with each other every chance we got.
we respected one another.
there was absolute trust in the one other
there was no cheating , hurting each other mentally , and we both tried our hardest to keep the relationship healthy.

There reality is that,
we rarely could have a conversation were i didn't feel attacked
there was cheating
the trust had run out
walking on egg shells all the time
i felt  better when i was not with him
i was mentally exhausted and i need out
unhealthy codependent relationships suck

 I felt like i was in this hole that i couldn't get out of, when in reality i always had a choice. i had developed a slight case of  Co-dependency or something scary known as "relationship addiction". let me explain :

Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.  People with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. (thanks mom!) . Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior. boooooo

often the person with the sickness ignores that problems exist. They don’t talk about them or confront them. As a result, they learn  to repress emotions and disregard their own needs. They become “survivors.” They develop behaviors that help them deny, ignore, or avoid difficult emotions. They detach themselves. They don’t talk. They don’t touch. They don’t confront. They don’t feel. They don’t trust.Attention and energy focus on the family member who is ill or addicted. The co-dependent person typically sacrifices his or her needs to take care of a person who is sick. When co-dependents place other people’s health, welfare and safety before their own, they can lose contact with their own needs, desires, and sense of self.

ok notice how i said slight in the beginning of this explanation ... I'm not trying to self diagnose here but i suspect that i temporarily had this condition for staying in a relationship that was unhealthy for so long (3yrs). The cycle relationship will never work ladies! He will never change his ways and will promise promise promise. Anyway all this advice will go unnoticed to a person that is going through what i was going through because they will make every excuse to themselves and to others as to why their relationship is fine.  That my friends is an addiction. Like some many other addictions out there drugs, sex, eating shopping, relationship addiction is one that takes a toll on you and you should get help or get out of it as soon as possible. Don't laugh ppl this is real. there is no other explanation that i could come up with that would explain my behaviour.  Currently going through relationship withdrawal and hating every second of it ... yes, i miss him but i will be strong ...please pray for me and that i can finally get over the hump